Banky Edwards: Alright, now see this? This is a four-way road, okay? And dead in the center is a crisp, new, hundred dollar bill. Now, at the end of each of these streets are four people, okay? You following?
Holden: Yeah.
Banky Edwards: Good. Over here, we have a male-affectionate, easy to get along with, non-political agenda lesbian. Down here, we have a man-hating, angry as fuck, agenda of rage, bitter dyke. Over here, we got Santa Claus, and up here the Easter Bunny. Which one is going to get to the hundred dollar bill first?
Holden: What is this supposed to prove?
Banky Edwards: No, I'm serious. This is a serious exercise. It's like an SAT question. Which one is going to get to the hundred dollar bill first? The male-friendly lesbian, the man-hating dyke, Santa Claus, or the Easter bunny?
Holden: The man-hating dyke.
Banky Edwards: Good. Why?
Holden: I don't know.
Banky Edwards: [shouting] Because the other three are figments of your fucking imagination!
23/08/2009
18/08/2009
In the order in which they tumbled out of my head...
...the 100 greatest movies ever.
Once Upon a Time in America
Don’t Look Now
The Third Man
The Maltese Falcon
Casablanca
The Pawnbroker
All About My Mother
All About Eve
Central Station
2001: A Space Odyssey
Trainspotting
A Clockwork Orange
O Lucky Man!
Dr Strangelove
Paths of Glory
Life of Brian
This is Spinal Tap
Withnail and I
Zulu
The Odd Couple
Glengarry Glen Ross
Scarface
Platoon
Salvador
Apocalypse Now
The Godfather
The Godfather Part II
Vertigo
Out of Sight
Best in Show
Aileen Wuornos: The Selling of a Serial Killer
Pulp Fiction
Love and Death
Annie Hall
24 Hour Party People
From Russia With Love
There Will Be Blood
No Country for Old Men
Barton Fink
Fargo
The Big Lebowski
Miller’s Crossing
Blood Simple
Do the Right Thing
The Seventh Seal
Psycho
The Untouchables
Monty Python and the Holy Grail
Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy
National Lampoon’s Animal House
Dumb and Dumber
Jaws
Minority Report
Marathon Man
Midnight Cowboy
Midnight Run
The King of Comedy
Taxi Driver
Get Carter
Raging Bull
One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest
Sideways
Election
About Schmidt
Angel Heart
The French Connection
The Exorcist
The Terminator
Some Like it Hot
The Apartment
Jackie Brown
The Hustler
Cool Hand Luke
Lawrence of Arabia
Brief Encounter
Planet of the Apes
Citizen Kane
The Searchers
The Long Goodbye
The Player
M*A*S*H
Gregory’s Girl
The Wicker Man
The Dark Knight
Following
The Matrix
Blazing Saddles
The Producers
Young Frankenstein
Reservoir Dogs
The Good, the Bad and the Ugly
Once Upon a Time in the West
A Fistful of Dollars
For a Few Dollars More
Dog Day Afternoon
A History of Violence
The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
Once Upon a Time in America
Don’t Look Now
The Third Man
The Maltese Falcon
Casablanca
The Pawnbroker
All About My Mother
All About Eve
Central Station
2001: A Space Odyssey
Trainspotting
A Clockwork Orange
O Lucky Man!
Dr Strangelove
Paths of Glory
Life of Brian
This is Spinal Tap
Withnail and I
Zulu
The Odd Couple
Glengarry Glen Ross
Scarface
Platoon
Salvador
Apocalypse Now
The Godfather
The Godfather Part II
Vertigo
Out of Sight
Best in Show
Aileen Wuornos: The Selling of a Serial Killer
Pulp Fiction
Love and Death
Annie Hall
24 Hour Party People
From Russia With Love
There Will Be Blood
No Country for Old Men
Barton Fink
Fargo
The Big Lebowski
Miller’s Crossing
Blood Simple
Do the Right Thing
The Seventh Seal
Psycho
The Untouchables
Monty Python and the Holy Grail
Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy
National Lampoon’s Animal House
Dumb and Dumber
Jaws
Minority Report
Marathon Man
Midnight Cowboy
Midnight Run
The King of Comedy
Taxi Driver
Get Carter
Raging Bull
One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest
Sideways
Election
About Schmidt
Angel Heart
The French Connection
The Exorcist
The Terminator
Some Like it Hot
The Apartment
Jackie Brown
The Hustler
Cool Hand Luke
Lawrence of Arabia
Brief Encounter
Planet of the Apes
Citizen Kane
The Searchers
The Long Goodbye
The Player
M*A*S*H
Gregory’s Girl
The Wicker Man
The Dark Knight
Following
The Matrix
Blazing Saddles
The Producers
Young Frankenstein
Reservoir Dogs
The Good, the Bad and the Ugly
Once Upon a Time in the West
A Fistful of Dollars
For a Few Dollars More
Dog Day Afternoon
A History of Violence
The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
09/08/2009
Yadda yadda yadda
Yeah, first entry in months, guess that's the end of my solipsistic phase. My bullshit is but a grain of sand in the wind, so gonna use this to write down useful and hopefully insightful ideas as they appear. Pretty slowly, judging by the current rate!
***************************************************************************************
SCIENTIFIC DESERT ISLAND DISCS
We in the UK have a popular radio programme called Desert Island Discs. The show has been running for around 50 years and involves a pretty universal format: which 8 records/tracks/discs would you take with you to a desert island?
Of course, the whole premise that you would voluntarily end up on such an island and have only packed that number of discs and a record player (no HI FIs or iPods here, nothing battery operated in fact) does somewhat stretch credibility.
So the set up gradually became more macabre, with the host (then matronly Sue Lawley, now sultry Kirsty Young) intimating that the guest had washed onto the island as the sole survivor of an horrific, Lost-style plane crash, and had only managed to retrieve the above items.
For me, how you would come to pack your entire record collection for a flight also raises a few questions, but best to suspend disbelief I suppose.
Anyway, the whole point of this high-faluting set up is for the host to gently get their guest to reveal all sorts of unutterably fascinating details about their life. Depending on the guest, this can be pretty dull (for example when you've never heard of them) to mildly interesting (Martin Shaw used to be a bit of a pisshead, we were told recently).
As you can probably tell, I'm a bit of a begrudging follower of this show. What can I say: when you have no money and always wake up alone on a Sunday, you tend to have a lot of time on your hands.
So, over time, I've found a warp in the show's fabric: what if you only chose records which upped your chances of being rescued, and helped you survive the island?
The done thing, you see, is to pick records that are meaningful to you in some way, which have a connection to a time and place. Maybe the first record you ever heard; first record you made love to; first dance at your wedding; kids' favourite record; and so on.
And that's all well and good, but I think I'd be more concerned about surviving the wilderness and trying to get off it instead of revisiting a record collection which is by this point pretty well worn. So, indulge me as you would a B-list celebrity at mid-morning on Sunday, as I rundown my Desert Island survival records:
1) Gallows, In the Belly Of a Shark - this British punk band claim to have produced the loudest studio session ever; how better to get the attention of passing planes, and scare away wildlife, than by playing one of their records?
2) Hydrophonic Space, Supernova Incense - at 78.5 minutes long, this jam is reputedly the world's longest song. For similar reasons, then; the longer it runs, the more chance you have of being rescued
3) Learn Polynesian In 5 Days (Linguaphone) - I figure this mythical island is in the South Seas somewhere. Probably best to learn the lingo of the native sailor who might just drift across the water to apprehend you, then.
4) William Shatner, Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds - in the words of George Clooney when he appeared on the show, you are more likely to cut off your own leg and hollow it out for a canoe than stick around to listen to this record. Pick it as an incentive to get off the rock.
5) Groove Armada, At the River - as the realisation dawns on you that no, no-one is coming to rescue you, and yes, the hallucination that you are surrounded by beautiful Waikiki beach babes and an endless supply of Bacardi in cocunut halves is real, what better record to create the impression that this is just a lovely little sojourn at the beach?
6) Katrina and the Waves, Walking on Sunshine - BUT before all that, best to have the most uplifting record of all time hidden away
7) Rex Harrison, Talk to the Animals - in order to quell the beasts queuing up to rip your head off, try and keep them at bay by attempting to persuade them of your powers of communication with them.
8) Pink Floyd, Comfortably Numb - for when you've gone as bonkers as Syd Barrett.
Of course, if there's a record out there with the power to aerate soil or desalinate sea water and I've missed it out, then do feel free to tell me!
***************************************************************************************
SCIENTIFIC DESERT ISLAND DISCS
We in the UK have a popular radio programme called Desert Island Discs. The show has been running for around 50 years and involves a pretty universal format: which 8 records/tracks/discs would you take with you to a desert island?
Of course, the whole premise that you would voluntarily end up on such an island and have only packed that number of discs and a record player (no HI FIs or iPods here, nothing battery operated in fact) does somewhat stretch credibility.
So the set up gradually became more macabre, with the host (then matronly Sue Lawley, now sultry Kirsty Young) intimating that the guest had washed onto the island as the sole survivor of an horrific, Lost-style plane crash, and had only managed to retrieve the above items.
For me, how you would come to pack your entire record collection for a flight also raises a few questions, but best to suspend disbelief I suppose.
Anyway, the whole point of this high-faluting set up is for the host to gently get their guest to reveal all sorts of unutterably fascinating details about their life. Depending on the guest, this can be pretty dull (for example when you've never heard of them) to mildly interesting (Martin Shaw used to be a bit of a pisshead, we were told recently).
As you can probably tell, I'm a bit of a begrudging follower of this show. What can I say: when you have no money and always wake up alone on a Sunday, you tend to have a lot of time on your hands.
So, over time, I've found a warp in the show's fabric: what if you only chose records which upped your chances of being rescued, and helped you survive the island?
The done thing, you see, is to pick records that are meaningful to you in some way, which have a connection to a time and place. Maybe the first record you ever heard; first record you made love to; first dance at your wedding; kids' favourite record; and so on.
And that's all well and good, but I think I'd be more concerned about surviving the wilderness and trying to get off it instead of revisiting a record collection which is by this point pretty well worn. So, indulge me as you would a B-list celebrity at mid-morning on Sunday, as I rundown my Desert Island survival records:
1) Gallows, In the Belly Of a Shark - this British punk band claim to have produced the loudest studio session ever; how better to get the attention of passing planes, and scare away wildlife, than by playing one of their records?
2) Hydrophonic Space, Supernova Incense - at 78.5 minutes long, this jam is reputedly the world's longest song. For similar reasons, then; the longer it runs, the more chance you have of being rescued
3) Learn Polynesian In 5 Days (Linguaphone) - I figure this mythical island is in the South Seas somewhere. Probably best to learn the lingo of the native sailor who might just drift across the water to apprehend you, then.
4) William Shatner, Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds - in the words of George Clooney when he appeared on the show, you are more likely to cut off your own leg and hollow it out for a canoe than stick around to listen to this record. Pick it as an incentive to get off the rock.
5) Groove Armada, At the River - as the realisation dawns on you that no, no-one is coming to rescue you, and yes, the hallucination that you are surrounded by beautiful Waikiki beach babes and an endless supply of Bacardi in cocunut halves is real, what better record to create the impression that this is just a lovely little sojourn at the beach?
6) Katrina and the Waves, Walking on Sunshine - BUT before all that, best to have the most uplifting record of all time hidden away
7) Rex Harrison, Talk to the Animals - in order to quell the beasts queuing up to rip your head off, try and keep them at bay by attempting to persuade them of your powers of communication with them.
8) Pink Floyd, Comfortably Numb - for when you've gone as bonkers as Syd Barrett.
Of course, if there's a record out there with the power to aerate soil or desalinate sea water and I've missed it out, then do feel free to tell me!
23/03/2009
Endof the drought
OK, been a long old while since I entered anything, but not much been going on I'm afraid!
Economy keeps tumbling, jobs not out there, people I know taking time out, thinking I'll do the same. I'm putting less of a premium on jumping into a law firm with every passing day. As I was just saying to a friend, the idea that I'll have to put up with the kind of vacuous people I see every day in BPP fucking appalls me. And that's what you get when you shoot for the big firms, fucking robots. I know now for definite that's not for me.
No, I'm happy to wait this economic crisis out, not go hustling for this job or that job that may or may not be there. Never been suckered into all that cat and mouse of applications and playing the game before, unlikely to now. I just want to work with down to earth people who realise it's just a job, and if u help some people out on the way then no harm done!
So, what are my immediate plans? Travelling of course! I'm happy to secure a temporary job somewhere or other, get a few thousand together, tally that up with my saving, and spend as long as I can afford trekking around the globe. I've had this wheeze to start in Istanbul, pass thru some of the Middle East (not that that's easily done), work my way down to India, thru Asia, and fly home from Australia! Easier said than done, will start gettin travel guides together, getting logistics assessed, that kind of thing pretty soon.
My parents better be alright with it. I know they're concerned bout my welfare and I owe them a lot but I do wonder why my mother bothers to get involved sometimes. She just sent me an e-mail about a paralegal position in Bristol that starts in a few weeks! Pointless, ain't even qualified! but that does go to show that some work is still available, and that will be exactly the position when the recession breaks. my bro wants to get on the job treadmill as well, i can understand that but there's too much other stuff i wanna do.
so, what have i actually been doing? Had compulsory exams a few weeks back, not too worried bout them, couldn't give a shit by the end! hope I haven't failed any is all. get some results in a few days, spose that will be a good barometer. started elective modules couple of weeks back, fucking appalled by the denseness of the people i'm studying with. they've broken up my old tutor group, proper gutted! absoutely no banter these days, unbearable. reckon a bit a tactical dropping in to other ppl's sessions is in order, scope out the sound ppl. thin on the ground tho!
what else...easter soon, goin back home for that, lookin forward mucho mucho...went to a human rights law conference last week in nottingham, pretty interesting, rather annoyed that a bloke i know there didn't bother to come meet me...and getting over a cold by watching endless movies! see, not much! looking at Get Carter rite now, soooo good, never gets old!
How for now x
Economy keeps tumbling, jobs not out there, people I know taking time out, thinking I'll do the same. I'm putting less of a premium on jumping into a law firm with every passing day. As I was just saying to a friend, the idea that I'll have to put up with the kind of vacuous people I see every day in BPP fucking appalls me. And that's what you get when you shoot for the big firms, fucking robots. I know now for definite that's not for me.
No, I'm happy to wait this economic crisis out, not go hustling for this job or that job that may or may not be there. Never been suckered into all that cat and mouse of applications and playing the game before, unlikely to now. I just want to work with down to earth people who realise it's just a job, and if u help some people out on the way then no harm done!
So, what are my immediate plans? Travelling of course! I'm happy to secure a temporary job somewhere or other, get a few thousand together, tally that up with my saving, and spend as long as I can afford trekking around the globe. I've had this wheeze to start in Istanbul, pass thru some of the Middle East (not that that's easily done), work my way down to India, thru Asia, and fly home from Australia! Easier said than done, will start gettin travel guides together, getting logistics assessed, that kind of thing pretty soon.
My parents better be alright with it. I know they're concerned bout my welfare and I owe them a lot but I do wonder why my mother bothers to get involved sometimes. She just sent me an e-mail about a paralegal position in Bristol that starts in a few weeks! Pointless, ain't even qualified! but that does go to show that some work is still available, and that will be exactly the position when the recession breaks. my bro wants to get on the job treadmill as well, i can understand that but there's too much other stuff i wanna do.
so, what have i actually been doing? Had compulsory exams a few weeks back, not too worried bout them, couldn't give a shit by the end! hope I haven't failed any is all. get some results in a few days, spose that will be a good barometer. started elective modules couple of weeks back, fucking appalled by the denseness of the people i'm studying with. they've broken up my old tutor group, proper gutted! absoutely no banter these days, unbearable. reckon a bit a tactical dropping in to other ppl's sessions is in order, scope out the sound ppl. thin on the ground tho!
what else...easter soon, goin back home for that, lookin forward mucho mucho...went to a human rights law conference last week in nottingham, pretty interesting, rather annoyed that a bloke i know there didn't bother to come meet me...and getting over a cold by watching endless movies! see, not much! looking at Get Carter rite now, soooo good, never gets old!
How for now x
09/02/2009
Brick wall
How I long for the days when I don't have to sit exams any more! hit a serious brick wall this morning in the university library, got a serious rush of The Fear, so here I am back home in comfort.
in comfort and staring in disbelief at the "Revision Chatroom" that's been set up by the law school. i assume the format is there to bounce questions off tutors. WHAT'S THE FUCKING POINT! HOW MUCH MONEY HAVE THESE PEOPLE GOT! I DID NOT PAY £10,000 FOR THIS USELESS GADGET!
yeh, i'm in a bit of a strop if u hadn't guessed, reckon a mindless printing session will sort me out!
xXx
in comfort and staring in disbelief at the "Revision Chatroom" that's been set up by the law school. i assume the format is there to bounce questions off tutors. WHAT'S THE FUCKING POINT! HOW MUCH MONEY HAVE THESE PEOPLE GOT! I DID NOT PAY £10,000 FOR THIS USELESS GADGET!
yeh, i'm in a bit of a strop if u hadn't guessed, reckon a mindless printing session will sort me out!
xXx
24/01/2009
Justice for Columbia
Had a very eye-opening and enjoyable afternoon yesterday. What started as a networking exercise ended up active participation in an enlightening political meeting, and a session in the pub with my potential future employers. Let me explain.
I've been applying like mad for training contracts and vac schemes recently, trying to get my foot in the door with any firm who will have me. One of these is Thompson's, the UK's official lawyers for the trade union movement. Anyone who knows me will know I'm no socialist, but having seen their excellent presentation at BPP in November, I decided I had to give them a go, which I have (sent off for them last week).
All of which brought me to the regional offices of Unison yesterday afternoon. The two solicitors I had met before were giving a presentation on behalf of Justice for Columbia, a pressure group which was having its inaugral meeting in the North West, its launch in effect. They'd spoken about it a bit at BPP, and I think it put a lot of students off, to be honest (seeing as I'm the only person I know from the school who's applied, that could well be the case!)
However, I was prepared to sit through it again if it gave me a chance to network and make a good impression on them. What I wasn't prepared for was such a great insight into the nature of the work the firm does, and who it represents.
I arrived at the meeting and got chatting to this big bloke wearing a Palestinian shawl. Those things put me off immediately, but I saw past it when he said that he'd recently been to the region, had done the whole tour of duty if you will, spent time with union officials over there, been tear-gassed by the Israeli army, all that. I had a lot of respect for that. What then really grabbed my attention was when he went on to talk about the movement he was organising/part of to stop Nick Griffin and the BNP from gaining a foothold in the next set of elections.
(FYI: The European Parliamentary elections are coming up in May, and the BNP are currently polling 8% in the North West, where Griffin is on the list. This means that he, being top of the list, will gain entry to Brussels, align with the far-righters already in there, and push their agenda of hate and intolerance to the detriment of all Europe. This issue is very close to my heart, Griffin is the scourge of this country's politics, you only have to look at his party's website to know this. I'll probs be disappearing part way thru April and May knocking on doors across the region to try and stop them.)
Anyway, it turns out that this incredibly sound guy is the regional boss for the Fire Brigades' Union (his office is in Ellesmere Port in a lighthouse!) I sat next to him during the meeting, which was dedicated entirely to generating support for J for C from Unison. It was chaired by the regional head of Unison, who freaked me out ever so slightly by opening the meeting with "Good afternoon comrades...". I immediately felt like an imposter! However, I settled down once things got going, and the two solicitors gave their powerful presentation.
Justice for Columbia really is the most worthwhile, cogent political pressure group I have ever come across. The reasons the solicitors were involved was because scores of progressive lawyers are being killed there every year simply for speaking out against the regime and defending the families of the 'disappeared'. Unison were becoming interested because many trade union leaders were experiencing the same. There were also a couple of guys my age who were the token left-wing studenty types, but they also said their piece with great insight and dignity, none of the firebrand shouting that Manchester Students' Union adopts. As the presentation ended, I felt thoroughly convinced that this was a just cause.
What really struck me, and I asked a question to this effect, was how little the Columbians I worked with in America seemed to care about any of this. They are living, to all intents and purposes, in a police state, where the military regime in charge views the written constitution as 'mere poetry' , political dissidents are locked up and there are 4 million dispossessed peoples, the second highest number in the world after Sudan. But no mention was made of this to me by any of them (to be fair, I never asked), and the only real indicaiton of any views they had that I picked up on was that they were anti-FARC. One of the speakers, Mairella, made a good point that this was probably a cultural thing, that my friends were probably from a more priveliged background which was doing well out of the regime or at least tolerated it, and didn't want the Marxis 'guerrillas' coming along and spoiling everything. I could sort of understand that, from a practical if not from a moral standpoint.
Anyway, other members asked some good questions about, amongst other things, the point of this campaign, which they felt was something of a PR exercise, and to what extent the movement could emulate its efforts in South Africa in the 80s by getting involved with this. My new friend also forced the Nick Griffin issue. All in all, good stuff, Unison North West is on board, and clandestine moves will continue to be made to suspend British military aid to Columbia.
The meeting lasted a good two hours, after which it was time to mingle. Got chatting with the solicitors a bit about my application and the firm, talked a bit more about Nick Griffin, and spoke with some teachers about the evils of City Academies, left thoroughly convinced they are a very bad thing!
It was then time to repair to the pub, where I was bought drinks all afternoon! One of the lawyers had to dash off to the office, but the other one and the Fire Brigades' guy sat with me in the Wellington Arms just off the Triangle all afternoon buying me Timothy Taylor! Class! All of which fuelled discussion of politics, trade union law issues (specifically employment - very hot topic with all the layoffs going on all over the place) and our repsective life stories. I'd always been fed the line by my parents that the unions were a pestilence on this country in the 70s (which FBU admitted) and that is still, when you think about it, the line that continues to be fed to us by the media. But when I got home that night, bit 'refreshed' and cooking my dinner, I felt that these were thoroughly decent men and women, standing up for what they believed in. It will be a pleasure to work for them (if I get in!)
Hasta luego!
16/01/2009
New York Stories
Had some pretty surreal encounters when I was out travelling, not least of which were in the Big Apple...
- First get to the city after travelling 5 hours by coach, thru ridiculous Friday night traffic. Arrive at Port Authority only to be bolked out of $40 by some guy who found me and my friend a cab. Still, was the only way of getting one! Stayed at a hostel in midtown in a room with, variously, a fat snoring Mexican and his mate; a very sweet young couple; and a couple of fun girls who'd just come in from camp like me. Kinda a weired experience, one of the girl's boyfriends was around and was al a bit incestuous. Played a drinking game using cheerleading sticks - u take the caps of the stick and pour ur drink in, then twist the other end off and let the drink just flow down ur gullet. Vacuum, see? We then went out in town but I lost them for some bizarre reason and had to bugger off home. Wasn't 21 at the time so probs a good thing!
- Met an old white South African at the same hostel who was in the city 'researching history' he said. I asked him tentatively if he identified himself as 'Afrikaans', knowing full well what a combustible term that is! He didn't seem too offended!
- Got chatting to a lovely, slightly doddery couple at the US Open. Very friendly, the woman asked me where I was from, I said Wales, she was delighted, couldn't wait to tell her husband, he racks his brains for Welsh knowledge, says..."Wales...I know Cardiff...and that's about it." To which I say "That'll do..."
- Went out to Coney Island, Brooklyn and rode the world's oldest rollercoaster, and ate fantastic junk food. Nuff said!
- Went to see the Conan O'brien show being taped. Was meant to be going with a really cool Texan girl I'd met the night b4 but they ran out of tkts! Oh well. Very very funny nonetheless, and got chatting with a really nice lad from Melbourne in the audience. Ran into him in the hostel a few days later, small world!
- Spent a glorious few hours in the Met and MoMa. Saw, again, what I consider to be the greatest painting of all time, a portrait by Jean-Louis David
- Was yelled at by some harassed woman for getting in her way going down the stairs in the Subway. wud hav been disappointed if hadn't been yelled at by at least one New Yorker!
- Stayed in Harlem one night. Hung with a couple of Puerto Ricans, couple of Dutch, couple of Kiwis. went to a hookah bar in Greenwich Village, some random Italian joined us and made us pick up his tab! ended the evening scouring Lexington for a fast food joint with an Ulsterman called Marty ('Mar-dee' as he said it), ended up eating some disgusting 'meat' in 'pastry'. Never again!
- Watched the Princess Bride by the Brooklyn Bridge at sunset, in the company of some utterly chamring people who let me share their picnic. the friendly side of New York.
- Saw Superbad in Times Square. I LOVE american movie audiences! if they find something laugh out loud funny or cool, they clap and cheer and don't give a shit what people think! We r SO stuck up in this country by comparison!
That's it for now, I got a few more tho!
- First get to the city after travelling 5 hours by coach, thru ridiculous Friday night traffic. Arrive at Port Authority only to be bolked out of $40 by some guy who found me and my friend a cab. Still, was the only way of getting one! Stayed at a hostel in midtown in a room with, variously, a fat snoring Mexican and his mate; a very sweet young couple; and a couple of fun girls who'd just come in from camp like me. Kinda a weired experience, one of the girl's boyfriends was around and was al a bit incestuous. Played a drinking game using cheerleading sticks - u take the caps of the stick and pour ur drink in, then twist the other end off and let the drink just flow down ur gullet. Vacuum, see? We then went out in town but I lost them for some bizarre reason and had to bugger off home. Wasn't 21 at the time so probs a good thing!
- Met an old white South African at the same hostel who was in the city 'researching history' he said. I asked him tentatively if he identified himself as 'Afrikaans', knowing full well what a combustible term that is! He didn't seem too offended!
- Got chatting to a lovely, slightly doddery couple at the US Open. Very friendly, the woman asked me where I was from, I said Wales, she was delighted, couldn't wait to tell her husband, he racks his brains for Welsh knowledge, says..."Wales...I know Cardiff...and that's about it." To which I say "That'll do..."
- Went out to Coney Island, Brooklyn and rode the world's oldest rollercoaster, and ate fantastic junk food. Nuff said!
- Went to see the Conan O'brien show being taped. Was meant to be going with a really cool Texan girl I'd met the night b4 but they ran out of tkts! Oh well. Very very funny nonetheless, and got chatting with a really nice lad from Melbourne in the audience. Ran into him in the hostel a few days later, small world!
- Spent a glorious few hours in the Met and MoMa. Saw, again, what I consider to be the greatest painting of all time, a portrait by Jean-Louis David
- Was yelled at by some harassed woman for getting in her way going down the stairs in the Subway. wud hav been disappointed if hadn't been yelled at by at least one New Yorker!
- Stayed in Harlem one night. Hung with a couple of Puerto Ricans, couple of Dutch, couple of Kiwis. went to a hookah bar in Greenwich Village, some random Italian joined us and made us pick up his tab! ended the evening scouring Lexington for a fast food joint with an Ulsterman called Marty ('Mar-dee' as he said it), ended up eating some disgusting 'meat' in 'pastry'. Never again!
- Watched the Princess Bride by the Brooklyn Bridge at sunset, in the company of some utterly chamring people who let me share their picnic. the friendly side of New York.
- Saw Superbad in Times Square. I LOVE american movie audiences! if they find something laugh out loud funny or cool, they clap and cheer and don't give a shit what people think! We r SO stuck up in this country by comparison!
That's it for now, I got a few more tho!
14/01/2009
A belated distillation of my Edinburgh festival...
Yeh, as mentioned before went to Edinboro festival, loved it, hav had these little reviews I jotted down on the way back home plastered to my bedroom for a while...
- 1000 Years of German Humour - 3.5/5 - two mad Krauts treading the careful line between embracing of and rebuttal of their national stereotypes. Particularly inspired section came when one of the guys' trousers fell down as he payed the flute part from Wagner. Won an award for that, so he did. We chose this show on a whim based on it was the first I saw up on the big board at the Smirnoff Underbelly. Glad I did!
Count Arthur Strong - 4/5 - possibly the funniest comedy character created in the last 10 years, Arthur has become most famous to listeners of Radio 4. Can't really explain his genius without u hearing him. the premise of the character is that he is a faded showbiz grandee coping with senility. sounds odd rite? it is, but brilliant!
the show didn't really add much in value for seeing the character in the flesh. quite upsetting to see him doddering around tbh! the real bonus was the ingenious doctoring of old TV footage to include Arthur in his glory days. hilarious!
Espionage free gigs - 3/5 - stumbled upon two of these. the club just up from our hostel ran shows which didn't charge entry, just a donation, every night, which was well convenient1
mixed bag really. don't really remember the first night, was well pissed, but there was definitely an ill looking Geordie telling nice little Vic n bob esque jokes and a classic Scotsman rattling off carefully rehearsed, brilliantly cutting one liners as fast as the audience could keep up with him.
the second night we went in relatively sober, and had a very surprising, and for me, wonderful, experience. the performer was a transsexual, which I only really clocked when she mentioned it. her act was very esoteric and consiered, taking in themes and identity politics...again, really difficult to descirbe but laugh out loud funny. made me come to some big realisations in my life as well.
Rhod gilbert - 5/5 - the funniest man in the UK today, hands down. the pride of Wales, Rhod was absolutely flawless. anyone who's seen this show will attest the man is verbally, physically and stylistically stunning. he tells the story of his mental breakdown at Knutsford service station and it is a joy to behold. takes in the demands of trying to sexually satisfy a much younger woman, the Taleban, bunch of other stuff. left the theatre wanting to be him. also was chuffed to see him milling round outsdie the theatre waiting to go in with the rest of us! wasn't a bit bothered by me staring at him! i think! also, even got a bit of banter in there with him, somehow! don't ask!
Oxford Imps - 2/5 - very boring family-friendly improv by oh so very clever oh so very smug Oxbridge scum. the only member worth a damn was a Yank, very gifted he was too. the far better improv effort was...
...The Shrimps - 4.5/5 - filthy geniuses. again ,was raging drunk when i saw them but was blown away by their skill. for every dud(dish) gag that came along they hit us back with another gem, mind-blowing! several future stars in the making there I think. how they didn't blanche at my drunken suggestion that they parody a 'Ukrainian abortion drama' I do not know! amazing
E4 Laughs At Edinburgh - 4/5 - nice little showcase at the ungodly hour of 10 in the morning. Rhod was compering, his rattattat style to the fore, made my friends insanely jealous of me that i'd got tkts for him and they hadn't! his pal Lloyd Langford was up first, very amusing South Walean, hilarious accent! then came a superb agitprop poet called Luke Young, hope he goes far, gave a dizzying demolition of MySpace, excellent. then some little bastards called the School of Comedy were up, just swore uncontrollably, not nice. i hate this trend in modern comedy of people thinking it's simply funny to swear and that's it. where's the craft. Sure, Bill Hicks, the best stand up of all time, swore, but it was with beauty, wit and passion.
last guy was some Oirish crooner/comic, very 'nice'.
Hamlet - 5/5 - I feel so priveliged to have seen this. a three-hander, it focussed on just the scenes involving the protagonist, still no mean feat! really honed in on the tragedy and passion of the piece. there was magic in that hotel bar, no denying it!
Tudur Owen - 3/5 - we'd done South, we had to do North. Tudur is from Anglesey like us, now a big TV star in Wales. this was his solo show in English, a very very amusing story about a 'zoo' his father opened on Anglesey. again, can't really explain, the whole thing was very...Anglesey!
Street Theatre - 4/5 - thoguht I'd mention this as we saw practically a whole show whilst standing in the sun one day. the guy's name was Pedro Tencho, and what that man can't fashion out of simple balloons and air isn't worth knowing! he roped my mate into playing an orge in his little show - as I say, just using 'balloon' props. magical.
Do's and Don'ts of Dating - 3.5/5 - nicely crafted little piece about, erm, dating. sassy three string cast go thru all the rituals of dating, stretching a different scenario to its most ridiculous conclusion. very funny, they all deserve to be stars. the two girls involved also had another show, kinda wish i'd seen it. they were excellent; my friend thoguht not; so i called him a comedy misogynist. but not one in general! haha, we're still friends.
P.S. -
Had meant to go see Jerry Sadowitz, whose videoed show from 1988 i hav and fucking love, but he was apparently ill so i spent £12 for nothing! arrrrgh!!!!!
THANKS FOR LISTENING ONCE AGAIN!
- 1000 Years of German Humour - 3.5/5 - two mad Krauts treading the careful line between embracing of and rebuttal of their national stereotypes. Particularly inspired section came when one of the guys' trousers fell down as he payed the flute part from Wagner. Won an award for that, so he did. We chose this show on a whim based on it was the first I saw up on the big board at the Smirnoff Underbelly. Glad I did!
Count Arthur Strong - 4/5 - possibly the funniest comedy character created in the last 10 years, Arthur has become most famous to listeners of Radio 4. Can't really explain his genius without u hearing him. the premise of the character is that he is a faded showbiz grandee coping with senility. sounds odd rite? it is, but brilliant!
the show didn't really add much in value for seeing the character in the flesh. quite upsetting to see him doddering around tbh! the real bonus was the ingenious doctoring of old TV footage to include Arthur in his glory days. hilarious!
Espionage free gigs - 3/5 - stumbled upon two of these. the club just up from our hostel ran shows which didn't charge entry, just a donation, every night, which was well convenient1
mixed bag really. don't really remember the first night, was well pissed, but there was definitely an ill looking Geordie telling nice little Vic n bob esque jokes and a classic Scotsman rattling off carefully rehearsed, brilliantly cutting one liners as fast as the audience could keep up with him.
the second night we went in relatively sober, and had a very surprising, and for me, wonderful, experience. the performer was a transsexual, which I only really clocked when she mentioned it. her act was very esoteric and consiered, taking in themes and identity politics...again, really difficult to descirbe but laugh out loud funny. made me come to some big realisations in my life as well.
Rhod gilbert - 5/5 - the funniest man in the UK today, hands down. the pride of Wales, Rhod was absolutely flawless. anyone who's seen this show will attest the man is verbally, physically and stylistically stunning. he tells the story of his mental breakdown at Knutsford service station and it is a joy to behold. takes in the demands of trying to sexually satisfy a much younger woman, the Taleban, bunch of other stuff. left the theatre wanting to be him. also was chuffed to see him milling round outsdie the theatre waiting to go in with the rest of us! wasn't a bit bothered by me staring at him! i think! also, even got a bit of banter in there with him, somehow! don't ask!
Oxford Imps - 2/5 - very boring family-friendly improv by oh so very clever oh so very smug Oxbridge scum. the only member worth a damn was a Yank, very gifted he was too. the far better improv effort was...
...The Shrimps - 4.5/5 - filthy geniuses. again ,was raging drunk when i saw them but was blown away by their skill. for every dud(dish) gag that came along they hit us back with another gem, mind-blowing! several future stars in the making there I think. how they didn't blanche at my drunken suggestion that they parody a 'Ukrainian abortion drama' I do not know! amazing
E4 Laughs At Edinburgh - 4/5 - nice little showcase at the ungodly hour of 10 in the morning. Rhod was compering, his rattattat style to the fore, made my friends insanely jealous of me that i'd got tkts for him and they hadn't! his pal Lloyd Langford was up first, very amusing South Walean, hilarious accent! then came a superb agitprop poet called Luke Young, hope he goes far, gave a dizzying demolition of MySpace, excellent. then some little bastards called the School of Comedy were up, just swore uncontrollably, not nice. i hate this trend in modern comedy of people thinking it's simply funny to swear and that's it. where's the craft. Sure, Bill Hicks, the best stand up of all time, swore, but it was with beauty, wit and passion.
last guy was some Oirish crooner/comic, very 'nice'.
Hamlet - 5/5 - I feel so priveliged to have seen this. a three-hander, it focussed on just the scenes involving the protagonist, still no mean feat! really honed in on the tragedy and passion of the piece. there was magic in that hotel bar, no denying it!
Tudur Owen - 3/5 - we'd done South, we had to do North. Tudur is from Anglesey like us, now a big TV star in Wales. this was his solo show in English, a very very amusing story about a 'zoo' his father opened on Anglesey. again, can't really explain, the whole thing was very...Anglesey!
Street Theatre - 4/5 - thoguht I'd mention this as we saw practically a whole show whilst standing in the sun one day. the guy's name was Pedro Tencho, and what that man can't fashion out of simple balloons and air isn't worth knowing! he roped my mate into playing an orge in his little show - as I say, just using 'balloon' props. magical.
Do's and Don'ts of Dating - 3.5/5 - nicely crafted little piece about, erm, dating. sassy three string cast go thru all the rituals of dating, stretching a different scenario to its most ridiculous conclusion. very funny, they all deserve to be stars. the two girls involved also had another show, kinda wish i'd seen it. they were excellent; my friend thoguht not; so i called him a comedy misogynist. but not one in general! haha, we're still friends.
P.S. -
Had meant to go see Jerry Sadowitz, whose videoed show from 1988 i hav and fucking love, but he was apparently ill so i spent £12 for nothing! arrrrgh!!!!!
THANKS FOR LISTENING ONCE AGAIN!
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